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| i don't know if i miss you, but i do know that i miss us. when will the pain stop?...i can't live my life with thoughts of you haunting my memory. closure...what does it take? i'd give anything...i just want to buy back my peace of mind. the closest time i've ever came to love...left me abandoned, and abandoning the people i love. STUPID PIG. god...help me? why does my mind keep racing...where does one love stop? make it stop. | | |
| it's over.
let it go...
i know, i want to, but i can't. and the harder i try, the harder it becomes. i don't stop caring...i don't stop loving...it's true, everything was a lie. and it still is now. if i was honest, maybe things would be better. why do i feel guilty, why do i want to seem brave...and pretend that i'm ok? because nobody cares what happened, that's what. because people like to be happy, even if it's at the expense of your happiness. no one cares about you. you should stop caring. you know all the holes in your spirit, and your heart? guess what...they'll always be there, and if you don't mend them, if you don't move on, there's no hope left for you because they'll never be filled again. you won't know the friendship, the love, again, because i don't think you're strong enough to endure this a 3rd or 4th time...why is it that everyone you love always leaves? because you make yourself unlovable. why do you make yourself unlovable? why do you not let other people care about you? why do you hide the fact that you care for other people? why do you always worry about the consequences afterwards when it affects more the situation at hand? god...so many questions. the biggest one of all being, why don't you move on? to where!? to start the same thing over again? i don't want to be back here again, to be going out of my head, to have people feel sorry for me, i don't need them to feel sorry...because they aren't. because they don't understand. i know that in the end, i'm the only person who'll ever be here for me...but, i need someone. i don't want to need them, but i do. and i know that i won't allow myself to be dependent, vulnerable to that other person, and i know in the future i won't have that. i'll watch other people in their warm lovers arms in the winter, and watch friends watch movies together...but as for me, screw it all. i won't have that, or i did and i lost it. it's ok. really...everything will be ok. it's weird, why is it that everytime that line is said, nothing is ever ok? there's a quote, that everything will be alright in the end...and if everything isn't alright, it's not the end. but...when everything's alright...it's the end. do we not realize that? people do. people accept reality. i live in a world of my own. i think thoughts that fit in nowhere in this life, and makes it a hell of a lot harder to exist and live life to the fullest. argh. it's ok. it's ok. it's ok. if i say it enough times, maybe it'll come true. it's ok...but in the end...it's not ok. without you...nothing is ok. i'm happy for you...i really am. i'm happy. i'm happy. if i say it enough times, maybe it'll come true...i'm happy. but in the end, i can't be happy without you.
now, you're just a friend.
just another person.
just another vision.
just another memory.
a memory...i won't forget.
how could you?
stop... | | |
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I'll Remember You
It has been so long
Since we have talked
I hope that things are still the same
Hoping they will never change
Cuz what we had
Can't be replaced
Don't let our memories fade away
Keep me in your heart for always
You made me believe
I can do almost anything
Stood there by me
Through the tears
Through everything
Chorus:
I'll remember you
And baby that's forever true
You're the one I'll always miss
Never thought it would feel like this
I'll be there for you
No matter what you're goin' through
In my heart you'll always be
Forever baby
I'll remember you
I'll promise you I won't forget
The times we shared
The tears we cried
You'll always be the sun in my sky
It may be fate that brings us back
To meet again someday
Even though we go separate ways
You made me believe
That I could do almost anything
You stood right by me
Through the tears through everything
Repeat chorus
If the day should come when you need someone
You know that I'll follow
I will be there
Don't ever let there be a doubt in your mind
Cuz I'll remember you
You
Repeat chorus
Forever baby
I'll remember you | | |
| There's so many memories here. I just spent like 30 minutes reading over the old entries we wrote...and i could feel the happiness in each word.  i think i want that again...but will things ever change from the way they are now? i mean, before they changed for the worse, so if there's any justice in the world, they have to get better eventually right? sigh. friends forever...how i wish that was true. now we've established that we're no longer best friends, so if we can stay just friends, that should be better than nothing. i miss the fun times, the endless conversations about absolutely nothing, the times when we barely knew each other yet we made plans for the future, and all the secrets that only we both knew. i don't miss the times when jealousy beared its ugly face, the times when i felt torn between reality and a secret world, with you in it, or the times when i feel like i'm in this for the friendship, but you're only in it for the title. come to think of it, you're right, if you hadn't kept trying, i would've let it go long before you did, but we both knew this would happen eventually. well, i'm just reminiscing over that time of my life, when having you in it made everything as perfect as it's ever gotten. thanks for all the memories, for the laughs and the tears, for the love and feelings i wouldn't feel again, and others that i still do, still just for you. when it comes down to it, maybe all i wanted was to keep myself. maybe i couldn't handle having to reveal every part of me, when i didn't feel comfortable yet to do so. maybe i didn't enjoy spending every moment with you, because it was more than i bargained for. maybe i just needed to lose this, to appreciate how important, how great it was. whatever the reasons, what's done, is done. i'm waiting to see what awaits us in the future, no matter what i'm here for you. when you need some advice, someone to listen, i'm always open...i hope you can do the same for me. in the end, isn't that all that everyone wants? someone to listen. i joined a blogring because i wanted the artificial security that someone is there for me, that they're actually there for me...how ironic. people are selfish, they're never happy with what they've got. everyone always want more, i've learned some kind of lesson from this. i had a glass half full of wine and a pitcher of water. i wasn't satisfied so i began to fill the glass up with water, but i didn't learn to stop pouring once it is full, because the glass began to overflow and all i have now is a glass full of water and traces of wine...the traces remind me of what i used to have, they'll linger on forever~ | | |
| hm... its been a while since anyting was written in here huh? we should use this one more i guess... it doesn't freeze as much... this is my first entry in a long time for both sites haha hm... lets see yesterday me and my bro walked to the marketplace, walked around and went to toys r us and bought some video games  haha then walked over to carls and got some dinner and walked back home it was cool and everything but it was still hot!!! we were like powerwalking back because my parents wern't home and i was afraid they might of came back haha so we rushed back. on my way back i called kevin and like talke with him the whole way back... he was playing tennis with kevin chi, anuj, and two grls i can't recall their names at the moment but yeah i told him to play holding the cell fone in one hand and racquet in the other and i made him lose haha... its ok he only lost his honor by losing to kevin chi... well i talked to him till i got home and my arm was soo tired!!! when we got home we busted out the video games and immediately started playing haha the one my brother bought is hard and its kinda boring... probably cause we barely got anywhere huh?  haha well mine was fun it was a street racing game called midnight club racing its old but its fun i was gona get the newer one midnight club 2 but it was 50 bucks!!! so expensive and yeah i played till like 11:30 when my dad started yelling at me then he went to sleep and i went to the computer and started chatting... till like 12 when my mom woke up from sleeping on the sofa cause i guess i was typing too loud or somthing and she started yelling at me... so yeah i slept downstairs cause it was burning in my room but i wasn't sleepy yet so i just watched tv... i watched mad tv and then this one weird show that was pretty funny then my mom woke up and yelled at me for not sleeping again so yeah er... tried to sleep but didn't fall asleep till like an hour or two later...
woke up this morning at like 6:15... got ready and went to go play tennis... i played for like 5 hours!!! from 6:30-11:30 haha cause i played with my family for the first hour and i invited tony dennis and steven to come and we played for a while then tram came and i played with her a bit and amy came around 10:30 or so and we all started to hit. Amy and tram are pretty good they whack some pretty hard shots at good angles sometimes that even i can't get haha... well then we walked to burger king and like just hung out there till 1:50 when we tried to walk jeanne to work... but amy was on her bike so she beat us there by like 5 minutes... and jeanne walked faster than me and tram so yeah she pretty much walked all by herself... then my dad picked us up and we all went home... when i got home i started watching the championship game for the U.S Open Roddick won yay!! it was a good game then just wasted time walking around the house and stuff... kept checking the comp to see if anyone interesting was online but almost everyone was away and someone was asleep on a coutch i won't mention names... you know who you are haha so yeah i went and played more video games and im doing this now so yeah... my dad wants to go play tennis again haha hm... that would put me up to like 6,7 hours?? haha thats crazy!! and i think im gona die from skin cancer i've been getting so much sun and im too lazy to put on sun bock haha yep im gona die an early death... school sucks right now... i hope it gets better with less hw i was actually kinda lookin forward to it too!! so i could see all my friends again that i didn't see in the summer... but school blows er.. i hate it right now... my schedules good but it sucks!!! just my luck that me and my friends have the same classes but different periods!!! argh!! well anyways this is like a record for my longest entry... haha im gona go now -- peace... | | |
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